Apr 28 2009
Life is full of good and bad realizations
Life is full of good and bad realizations.
I’ve come to realize that people are really never who you think they are. People that were your closest friends at one point in life, may end up complete strangers to you. People you thought you could count on, may not be as reliable as you thought. People you thought you could trust, may be the most untrustworthy of all. People you thought would never hurt you, could hurt you worse than anyone else. People you thought were your friends, may be bashing you the second you walk out the door. It happens. I’ve come to understand that being upset over these realizations is not worth it. It’s hard to realize such things about people so close to you, and it’s a shock to know you’ve been fooled all along. It’s hard to realize the people you would have done anything for, lie straight to your face. I guess you just have to be strong and secure enough with yourself enough to not let it get to you. Throughout life, you’re going to constantly be meeting people that don’t live up to your standards. You’re going to be forced into situations with people you don’t particularly like. The important thing to realize is you don’t need to let them affect you. Realize you’re better than these people and let that put a smile on your face. Don’t let them bring you down because you had certain expectations of them as a human, and they have failed to meet them.
When a best friend goes behind your back, lies or spreads rumors about you, or simply ignores your needs, you need to ask yourself if they’re even worth being upset about. You come to expect your close friends to be there when you need them. You assume this because you are always there for them. It hurts to realize you don’t mean as much to them as they did to you. It’s a sad realization to know all of the good memories you had with this person no longer put a smile on your face. It’s hard to not care, it’s normal to care. But I think after the initial shock and devastation, you need to see certain things from a different angle. You need to realize that if someone isn’t going to put in that time and effort for you, then you shouldn’t do it for them anymore. It’s in these type of situations that you realize who your true friends are. You see the true sides of people, sides you may have never seen before. Then there’s the time when you hear lies about you being spread, or words put in your mouth. It hurts that someone you have trusted and confided in manipulates your words and then spreads it around. It hurts when someone you thought was a friend goes around badmouthing you and making up lies, when you can’t even think of any reason why, other than to hurt you. It just hurts to be betrayed in general, especially when it’s the people you were the closest to. But this is a wakeup call. Don’t bother helping people that won’t help you. Don’t spend your time and energy on other people, if they can’t give you the same in return. I’ve realized that I’ve let myself get hurt over and over by the same people. I’ve realized I’ve just been simply too nice to everyone, even after they hurt me. I’ve come to see that if you don’t stand up for yourself, people are ALWAYS going to walk all over you. That’s the biggest thing. Stand up for yourself. If someone does something that really hurts you, instead of acting like it’s okay, let them know it’s NOT okay. It’s not okay to hurt someone you call a friend, and if you do make a mistake, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for it. That is one of the biggest things you can do to regain any kind of trust or respect. But what about when they act like nothing ever happened? Fuck that, that’s what I’ve learned. I’ve decided to just cut these people out of my life, because honestly, they’re not worth it to me anymore. I’ve lost respect for so many people lately. But I think it’s a major learning experience, when you lose best friends. It’s not to say don’t trust anyone. I just think you should live your life with YOU as number one, with YOU as the most important person in your life. Be a good person, and give to others that would give the same to you. Some people don’t deserve what you may want to give to them, or what you’ve been giving them. And quite honestly, that’s not fair. I’m more in touch with myself and more comfortable with myself after realizing these things. I no longer stay upset over things that are not worth it. I know that I am better than it, and I’m not going to put myself in the situation to get hurt by those same people anymore. It’s a wonderful, freeing feeling. I think it’s made me more independent. I feel like I don’t necessarily need someone to count on all of the time, I can look inside myself and find happiness. I know that I am a good person, and that makes all of this okay to me. I’ve learned a lot, and I know I’m going to continue to keep realizing more and more things about people. It’s good to not have expectations, but to have standards, and stick to them. Don’t expect people to be good, because a lot of them aren’t. But also don’t treat them like you already know, before giving them a chance. Everyone deserves a chance. But if you give them that chance, and they don’t meet your standards, don’t waste your time on them. Simple as that. Treat others how you would like to be treated, and hopefully you’ll find out which people are going to treat you right. Too many people get walked all over for being too nice. There’s nothing wrong with being nice, it just depends on who and the situations. Stand up for yourself, or nothing will ever change. That’s pretty much one of the most important things I’ve learned.
What comes hand in hand with this is learning to love yourself. It’s quite possibly the most important thing in your life to accomplish. You will never be truly happy with life, if you don’t love yourself. It’s a long and hard journey, but is also something you should never give up on. I know how hard it can be when your entire life you’ve been told you’re not good enough. But that comes back to what I said before. I think you need to realize THAT before anything, to be able to love yourself. You need to live up to YOUR expectations, and no one else’s. The people that tell you that you’re not enough, should be cut out. Anyone that makes you feel bad about yourself, should be cut out of your life. No one needs that kind of additional negativity. You cannot rely on anyone else to get that feeling. You need to find it within yourself. If there are things about you that you don’t like, then change them, but only as long as you’re changing them for YOU, and not anyone else. Learning to love yourself gives you an unexplainable freedom in your world. Never give up on trying to find it. Whether you have to go through the worst of times to retrieve it, it’s more than worth it. It’s a journey. It’s not a quick overnight thing. It takes work, a lot of work. For me, it took a lot. I am just starting to feel confident about myself on the inside and outside. It’s not vain to want to look good either. There’s nothing wrong with that, just do it for you, not for some guy. Any guy that tells you that you need to look different, doesn’t deserve you in the first place. They should be more interested in your mind and your heart, rather than your body. Be confident with what you have, and if you don’t particularly like it, change it. You need to be happy with yourself. You need to be confident and comfortable with yourself in every way, and once you reach that point, or at least begin the journey, you’ll see how worth it it is.
Appreciation. Learn to appreciate the people that ARE actually there for you. The ones that drop anything to help you out, and would do anything to prevent anything bad from happening to you. I’ve learned that someone you’ve just met can be a better friend to you than someone you’ve known your entire life. I’ve always thought of my oldest friends as my best friends, and I no longer feel that way. Just because you just met someone, doesn’t mean they aren’t an amazing person that will treat you how you deserve to be treated. It almost means more when someone you barely know cares so much about you. It’s a good feeling. I may only have a few people I can actually consider friends now, but to me it’s like I have 1,000 friends. I know who I can count on, and I feel good knowing I can stand up for myself and my needs.
Obstacles are placed in your life to test you. To see how strong you are, physically, mentally, emotionally. The harder the obstacle, the stronger you come out. Just never give up. Once you get over that mountain, you’ll feel ready and willing to take on anything. Freedom is a blessing.
